For those of us who have been in that relationship that was painful as well as harmful, the question that survivors ask themselves is, “What the hell did I just do!” “I have been with my ex for years and now I am out and don’t have a clue as to what I am doing?”
The What’s, Where’s and How’s are very real issues that we all have. But those who have left a relationship that was abusive have this question flowing, like the blood flows throw our veins. The fear of the unknown is so very prevalent. The fear of the abuser returning, the fear of not being able to live on their own, and the fear of failing at everything that they do… because they have been told millions of times that they are worthless, can’t do anything right or right without the abuser. The survivor, who has been out for a day or years, had dreams of being free and now they are just that free. NOW WHAT?
But what about the dreams that they have had prior? To open businesses, becoming Doctors, Lawyers or opening up the community c-op! Heck owning a motorcycle and driving cross country! Whatever the dreams that they had forever until the abuser told them otherwise, are there. Years of soaking in the lie of less than and self-worth has filled the spirit of “I Can Do It” to “I Can’t do it!” It is still there, but it must be unearthed. It is buried so deep that a victim of abuse doesn’t believe that it is still breathing, still living, and can survive. If given the right oxygen, care and love it needs it can live again.
The process to the healing needed comes in the way of support. The right support is so very important. Look at it this way. When your car is in the need of a tune up, tire rotation or something major like a new engine or transmission, you don’t go to the neighborhood barber to get your car fixed. If the car needs to have a new engine you don’t even go to a tire repair place to get that work done. Even though they my know about cars, you will want to go to a specialist to get the engine repaired. It’s important to take care of yourself in the same manner. Speak to people who have been through what you have been through and are doing more than surviving. They are walking in their purpose and are living in their call in life! Someone that will hold you to accountability for the things that you say you want done! It is important to have the support that will support you in the way that you need to be supported. Look women, can we talk? We know what it is like not to have that good good bra to support us in the way we need. We all too well know that bra , that bra we hate that cuts into our shoulders and give us pain, or let’s not forget that underwire bra that cuts us in those areas that has us pulling the metal piece out and through it out the car window!…… Yeah I did that!!!…
It’s important to remember you and get the help that you need. This year, make it a point to understand that to being to truly live the life that you were called to live, it takes direction, encouragement and support! This year get the support your need to get where you wanna go this year! You can have the life you want, and yes, you have to have the right support to get there!
Yes, you can have a LIFE AFTER DOMESTIC VIOLENCE