Dating after Divorce
I’m Stephanie Rochelle, The Reinvent CEO, Author of “A Cracked Egg-A story of loss and love to resilient overcomer”, and Speaker.
My end game for you is to show you How to Reset the Vision for Your Life and Build Healthy Relationships after Trauma and Loss.
After divorce, we are left with disappointment and unmet expectations of how we thought our life would be. How do you move forward and take care of your family? We start by resolving or healing the pain of emptiness and fear of the unknown.
For me, I had to put a plan in place. I needed to determine what was next for me and what I wanted in this new normal. I had to determine how I would win.
After divorce, I was after Peace.
So in determining my plan, I had to determine what was needed for me to get Peace.
My steps in getting Peace:
1. Be intentional about moving forward.
2. Learn how to react and respond differently than what he was used to- don’t argue.
3. Don’t follow them on social media.
4. Create consistency for the kids. Be willing to do what he’s not doing. Make sure they continue to attend their events so they have the outlet and normalcy they need. You can’t control if your ex attends or not.
5. Create boundaries for your old life that allow you to have a new life. One day you will have a new mate. Make sure you leave room for them to fit into your new life.
6. Your kids are watching, show them an example of you being the bigger person in co-parenting.7.
Determine if you’re ready to date- if you care about what they are doing, if they can still get you upset, you’re not ready. Wait before bringing someone else into dysfunction. Continue on your path to becoming a better, YOU.
In my book, A Cracked Egg, I show you how I rebuilt my life after trauma and loss. I found power in my pain and moved forward with renewed clarity, mindset, confidence and fearless determination and went after the life I desired.
Are you A Cracked Egg? Are you Stuck or experiencing a toxic relationship, loss, failure, depression, divorce and can’t seem to move forward. If so, your life represents “A Cracked Egg” and needs to be rebuilt from the inside out.
Life didn’t turn out the way you expected and your disappointed. Now what? What you focus on is what you attract. It’s time to take control of your thoughts and detox your mind. Change your Mindset, Change your Thoughts. Change your Life.
What would your life look like, if you started each day with meditation? If you made daily decisions or choices to walk boldly into your new normal by being intentional and speaking exactly what you wanted next for yourself.
Speak life over yourself daily: I am Strong. I am Beautiful. I am grateful. I will overcome my New Normal by doing what makes me happy daily. My goal is to support you in getting back to you, but first, we must DETOX negative thoughts lead us down this emotional trail.
I believe, when women have been hurt and don’t take the necessary time to heal, we go into the next relationship taking all of the baggage with us. I call the baggage, triggers.
After coming out of a relationship and now being alone we become dominant. We get in this mode of taking care of the kids, paying the bills, basically making things happen and then as time passes, we meet someone and we don’t know how to make the adjustment. We forgot how to fall back or shift from doing it all. We are our children’s protector, provider, their everything. We overcompensate because their dad is no longer there on a daily basis.
Now you’ve met someone and have to realize, that was then and this is now. When you meet a man that wants to be a part of your life and shows he’s able to lead, it’s very hard to adjust and stop leading and running everything because we are scared to be vulnerable.
For me it was hard to shift, I realized I had someone that wanted to help and support me in any way that he could, but I was working Stephanie’s plan and needed to figure out how to slowly let him in. My guard was all the way up and I was faced with am I ready to open my heart to someone or was I going to allow my hurt to stop me from something that could be special. Was I willing to take a chance to get my Fairytale?
My daughter and I were good, we were getting used to our new normal. I was busy rebuilding my life and here comes this relationship. When you decide to move forward, change must take place.
Change is uncomfortable but change is necessary to Grow.
I’m talking about taking a step back only for the man that has been consistent and proven he’s that one that didn’t interrupt my peace by taking up space in our lives. Instead of reacting in fear I had to react in love. Learning how to react and respond differently was the key to me moving forward.
In order to get something different, you have to do something different.
My Steps to Stop Loving Someone who has Already Stopped Loving You
1. Accept that it’s over, so you can move forward.
2. Let go of the future you created together. It’s now time to change the ending.
3. Dismantle the Past: Sit in the hurt. Take it in. Look at the amazing moments that you had. Journal about the bad times. Remember all the times you compromised to make it work. Don’t stay where love is not being returned.
4. Raise your Standards for the next life your building, so you will attract someone that’s in alignment with where you are going.
5. Take heed of the lessons learned. Don’t look at it as a failed relationship but a life lesson, which prepared you for your next blessing.
6. After you gain Peace, be Open to intentional dating. Open your heart, be vulnerable, and get back in the game.
7. Don’t follow him/her on any social media.
8. Visualize your new life every day. Make your list.
9. If it’s the little things you like, make sure you get it. The same values, trustworthy, communicator, wants a relationship and not a hookup, look for consistency.
10. Smile Every day, it raises your vibration.
Stephanie Rochelle Smith, “The Reinvent Coach”, is a shining example of what it truly means to deny yourself. One day while serving, she said to God, “Stretch Me”. This wife, woman of God, mother, relationship expert and now the best-selling author of “A Cracked Egg-A story of Loss and Love to Resilient Overcomer is the direct result of that one simple prayer request. Stephanie supports women who are Stuck, or struggling with trauma and loss, Reset the vision for their life and Build Healthy Relationships. After Loss and Divorce, she embraced re-building herself and was determined to be an example to her daughter of how to win in life, love, and business.
September 2016, Stephanie married Alex and they are living out their Fairytale and enjoying life together in Atlanta. Stephanie has been supporting women to get what they want out of life since 2012.